Between biopsies
During most of February, we still had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. The word ‘cancer’ was continuously hanging over my head, and all we knew was that something very serious was wrong, but we had no idea what. Mama didn’t know whether she would need to take time off work, and if so, how much, I didn’t know whether to enrol in uni for the coming semester or not (I had already dropped out of my summer semester subject, which had pissed me off quite a bit – I had just finished all the lectures and the groundwork, all I had left was the assessment – but I had no room mentally to digest the strategy behind Virgin Blue, let alone study for a Business Policy and Strategy exam…) and quite frankly we were just marking time until we knew what the hell was going on. A few weeks ago I had booked a trip up to Mackay, to mark the end of my summer semester and to get away for a week or two before starting the next semester, and also because Virgin was having a sale and I got a ticket home for $66 each way.
Just before I left, I found out that the first biopsy had been unsuccessful. By unsuccessful I don’t mean that they hadn’t been able to do it (I can tell you, they cut me open and went in all right!) but that the cells had been crushed on the way out and they couldn’t tell properly what type of cells they were. We would have to do it again, through the front of the chest this time. Why we didn’t just do it that way the first time I’m not sure – it would have been one incision instead of three, but I guess it would also be a bit more disfiguring for me, and there was the chance that the first one would have worked easily.
So, I was back in Mackay… for the Valentine’s Day weekend of all things. I had had to change my flights, because I could no longer stay the ten days that I had originally planned – we had to return to Brisbane to do yet another biopsy. Mama and Dave needed to take my brother to Townsville so that he could start uni. Poor Ben, here was a huge change in his life, he was about to move out and start uni, and yet his stupid sister had just got a tumour that gave her all the attention. Basically, Mama and I flew up to Mackay on the Thursday, Mama, Dave and Ben drove up to Townsville on the Friday, settled Ben in, and Mama and Dave drove back on the Sunday, ready for Mama and I to fly back to Brisbane on the Monday.
I caught up with an old boyfriend over the weekend, and realised that my life really had changed. My life had become so weird, and everything had been put on hold, so that everything had become all about cancer - it was impossible to pretend it wasn't there and relate to people the same way I had before all this started.
Just before I left, I found out that the first biopsy had been unsuccessful. By unsuccessful I don’t mean that they hadn’t been able to do it (I can tell you, they cut me open and went in all right!) but that the cells had been crushed on the way out and they couldn’t tell properly what type of cells they were. We would have to do it again, through the front of the chest this time. Why we didn’t just do it that way the first time I’m not sure – it would have been one incision instead of three, but I guess it would also be a bit more disfiguring for me, and there was the chance that the first one would have worked easily.
So, I was back in Mackay… for the Valentine’s Day weekend of all things. I had had to change my flights, because I could no longer stay the ten days that I had originally planned – we had to return to Brisbane to do yet another biopsy. Mama and Dave needed to take my brother to Townsville so that he could start uni. Poor Ben, here was a huge change in his life, he was about to move out and start uni, and yet his stupid sister had just got a tumour that gave her all the attention. Basically, Mama and I flew up to Mackay on the Thursday, Mama, Dave and Ben drove up to Townsville on the Friday, settled Ben in, and Mama and Dave drove back on the Sunday, ready for Mama and I to fly back to Brisbane on the Monday.
I caught up with an old boyfriend over the weekend, and realised that my life really had changed. My life had become so weird, and everything had been put on hold, so that everything had become all about cancer - it was impossible to pretend it wasn't there and relate to people the same way I had before all this started.
posted by Jessie at 12:41 pm
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